In recent years, conversations about gender pronouns have gained significant attention, reflecting a broader understanding of gender identity and expression. Pronouns are an essential aspect of language that can affirm or invalidate a person’s identity. Below, we’ll aim to explore what gender pronouns are, why they matter, and how to use them respectfully in our daily interactions.

What are gender pronouns?

Gender pronouns are words we use to refer to someone in place of their name. They are typically used in the third person and can reflect a person’s gender identity. The most common pronouns include:

  • She/Her: Traditionally used for individuals who identify as female.
  • He/Him: Typically used for individuals who identify as male.
  • They/Them: Used as a singular pronoun for individuals who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, or whose gender identity does not fit within the traditional binary. “They” can also be used when a person’s gender is unknown or to refer to a group of people.
  • Other Pronouns: Some individuals may use alternative pronouns, such as “ze/hir,” “ey/em,” or “xe/xem.” These are often chosen to reflect a more specific or nuanced gender identity.

Why do pronouns matter?

1. Affirms identity

Using the correct pronouns is a simple yet powerful way to affirm someone’s identity. When individuals are addressed with their chosen pronouns, it validates their gender identity and shows respect for their self-understanding.

2. Builds respect and inclusivity

In environments where diverse identities are acknowledged and respected, people feel safer and more included. This fosters a culture of acceptance and understanding, which benefits everyone.

3. Reduces discomfort

Misgendering — the act of using incorrect pronouns — can lead to feelings of discomfort, dysphoria, and alienation for those whose identities are invalidated. By using the correct pronouns, we can help reduce the likelihood of these negative experiences.

4. Promotes awareness

Conversations around pronouns can raise awareness about gender diversity and challenge traditional notions of gender. This is particularly important in educational and workplace settings, where inclusivity is crucial.

How to ask about (and use) pronouns respectfully

  1. Introduce yourself with your pronouns: A great way to normalize the sharing of pronouns is to introduce yourself by including your pronouns. For example, “Hi, I’m [your name], and my pronouns are [your pronouns].” This encourages others to share their pronouns as well.
  2. Ask when appropriate: If you are unsure of someone’s pronouns, it’s okay to ask respectfully. A simple approach could be, “Hi, I’m [your name]. What pronouns do you use?” This shows that you care about addressing them correctly.
  3. Use gender-neutral language: When you are unsure of someone’s pronouns, using gender-neutral language (like “they/them” or avoiding pronouns altogether) can be a respectful way to refer to them until you know their preferences.
  4. Correct yourself: If you accidentally use the wrong pronouns, correct yourself without making it a big deal. A simple “I’m sorry, I meant [correct pronouns]” is enough to acknowledge the mistake and move on, without making it about yourself.
  5. Be mindful of group settings: In meetings or group introductions, consider incorporating a pronoun round. Encourage everyone to share their names and pronouns to create an inclusive atmosphere.

The impact of misgendering

Misgendering can have serious consequences for individuals. It can lead to feelings of rejection, decreased self-esteem, and anxiety. In some cases, it can even exacerbate mental health issues. Here are a few reasons why it’s essential to be mindful of pronouns:

  1. Emotional distress: Misgendering can be emotionally distressing, particularly for transgender and non-binary individuals. It can lead to feelings of being invalidated or disrespected, impacting their overall well-being.
  2. Diminished trust: Repeated misgendering can damage trust in relationships, whether personal or professional. When individuals feel that their identity is not respected, it can lead to disengagement and withdrawal.
  3. Social isolation: Constant misgendering can contribute to social isolation and alienation, making it harder for individuals to connect with others or feel a sense of belonging.

The bottom line

Understanding and using gender pronouns correctly is a crucial aspect of fostering inclusivity and respect in our communities. As society continues to evolve in its understanding of gender identity, it’s essential for everyone to adapt their language and approach accordingly.

By normalizing the sharing of pronouns, actively listening, and correcting ourselves when we make mistakes, we can create environments where everyone feels seen, valued, and respected. Embracing this practice not only supports individuals in their self-expression but also enriches our collective human experience, promoting a culture of understanding and acceptance for all. Let’s commit to honoring each person’s identity—one pronoun at a time.